Making a Change...

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.” -Anthony Dinozo, NCIS

These words changed my life. Ironic, I know. A television show of all things (and parents say TV is a waste of time). But it's true. If I close my eyes, I can picture the scene, the area around where I was sitting in my college house, the colors of the walls, which seat I was sitting in on the couch, all of it (well, I don't remember what I was wearing, but there's a 90% chance it was sweats and a t-shirt). I had just finished my undergraduate degree and was waiting to find out what my life had in store for me next. Waiting...waiting...waiting. 

It's funny to think back on that moment and realized how significant those words truly were. You see, this one line has stuck in my mind ever since, and it challenged me to evaluate how I was living and work toward making some real changes in my life.

In sports, coaches, psychologists, and other performance "gurus" will often say: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." Technically (according to Dictionary.com) there are four definitions (none of which are these exact words), but the premise is the same:

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.”

I was at a point in my life where I was so sick and tired of what I "got." I tried and tried SO hard to be the person I thought I needed to be to be happy: dress a certain way, have a certain body type, do certain things, be liked by a certain people, get certain grades, have a certain career path...

My life was defined by what others thought of me, but in reality, nothing ever filled it. Oh I had moments of happiness. I would achieve something or meet a guy or have a fun night out with the girls and I'd feel pretty good for a little while. But the feeling would fade, and the longing would return. A restlessness. A lingering knowledge that something was missing that I couldn't quite put my finger on. It got harder and harder to find distractions, things that would satisfy the need. Partying didn't do it. Working out didn't do it. Boys didn't do it. Friends didn't do it. TV didn't do it. Accolades didn't do it. Nothing stuck, and all that was left was a hollow feeling, an emotional incompleteness that just wouldn't go away.

And that's when I met Jesus.... :)

I knew of Him, but I didn't know who He was. At this time, He was a character in a book. The protagonist of a few stories (i.e. Christmas and Easter), but that was all. There was no real relationship or understanding. I could answer all of the "Christian questions." I knew the "right" things to say, but to me, He was just this guy that lived and died 2,000 years ago. Christians I knew (I called myself a Christian at the time, but claiming a religious sect and living a Christian lifestyle are not always the same thing) kept telling me to "pray and read the Bible. Try to every day." So I did. At first, that was really hard, but I kept at it (even when I didn't feel like it), and as I read my Bible, as I prayed (out loud, too--another tip from a Christian friend), and just committed to giving the whole thing a real shot and applying what I read to my life, I saw something I had wanted to for years: I saw change. I began to change. It didn't happen overnight, and it wasn't easy. For so long it seemed like with every step I took forward, I would take two steps back the next day (for the record, it still seems like that sometimes), and for someone who was used to picking things up pretty quickly--that sucked. 

But some things are worth failing for. 

If there's one thing I had learned from playing sports, it's that sometimes you have to do things that are hard--things that you don't feel like or want to do--to get where you ultimately want to be. It's like climbing a mountain: whether you climb straight up the side, or zig-zag your way to the top, it's gonna take some time, but the view from the top is amazing. God loves a challenge. Give Him a shot and you'll be surprised at what you find.

Have a blessed night, my friends. :)

"When Mercy Found Me"

By Rhett Walker Band

I can't count the broken roads I've been down, but all I know; 

Something had to give; something had to give.

Cause living my life so wild and free

Finally caught up 

Oh it left me broken; left me hopeless, 

But that's where I met Jesus.

In one moment everything changed 

Who I was got washed away 

When mercy found me 

My Savior's arms were open wide 

And I felt love for the very first time 

When mercy found me 

When mercy found me 

All those days, all those doubts 

They don't seem to matter now.

His Grace is all I need 

His Grace is all I need 

And the chains that I was in before 

They don't hold me anymore 

His love has rescued me.

His love has set me free. 

My mind found peace 

My soul found hope 

My heart found a home.